- 09 Jun 2005 12:25
Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).
Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.
- 09 May 2012 08:13
- 16592 of 65411
Terry Duckworth in Coronation Street is a star. We should have a bloke like him running the country.
- 09 May 2012 08:33
- 16593 of 65411
Looks like Im going to have to dip into my slush fund today.
Euro situation looks beyond repair.
- 09 May 2012 10:17
- 16594 of 65411
I say we get out as soon as possible.
- 09 May 2012 10:37
- 16595 of 65411
Im wondering what the hell are we going to do if we dont.
- 09 May 2012 11:11
- 16596 of 65411
The EU is like a ship that started sinking years ago.
The officer crew continually try to plug all the holes, whilst new ones continue to appear.
These new holes along with the old ones that start leaking almost as soon as they have been plugged make the ship more likely to sink.
The passengers, IE us, know full well that there is no hope, but the crew believe that if they continually tell the passengers everything will be alright, they will believe them.
Already the passengers are heading for the life boats, the problem being is that the crew, with their first class tickets will no doubt be saved when the ship eventually sinks as they have stashed away vast sums of money from their pay, which will leave them none reliant on finding replacement jobs.
The passengers meanwhile have spent all their savings on this over extended cruise and even if they do survive the final sinking many will be destitute.
The passengers are already being offered vouchers for reduced future cruises (for vouchers read high return bonds) which few are taking up as most feel that after this cruise, the EU shipping line will probably go bankrupt, leaving everyone high and dry (Not if the ship sinks they won't).
The good (sic) ship EU has hit several icebergs already, the crew though wont allow any passengers to get off, although they know full well it is only a matter of time before it sinks completely beneath the waves.
The only plan that the officer crew appear to have is to throw a few of the passengers overboard to lighten the ship (the Greek passengers first).
The problem here is that when the other passengers see that instead of drowning, the Greeks although swallowing some water along the way have managed to swim ashore onto a nearby island and have started to make a better life for themselves, they decide that what has happened to the Greeks looks a lot better than staying on the ship which has continued to sink lower in the water.
What started as a trickle, becomes a flood (another intended pun) and more passengers abandon ship
The result contrary to most sinking's is that because there are now few people left on board to continue bailing out, the ship starts to sink faster.
Eventually there is only the Capitan left, Admiral Merkel, who is to be remembered standing on the top deck with just her head above the waves shouting at everyone else that they had made a grave mistake in jumping overboard and that they should return to the the safety of the ship.
Of course the Royal Navy ship (yes they only have one left) is sailing (by sailing, I mean literally due to defense cut backs and increased foreign aid) to the rescue with captain Cameron and 1st officer Clegg on the bridge.
They manage to rescue Capitan Merkel and all those passengers that are still alive after jumping ship and take them back to the UK, where the boarder agency allow them all in without checks and the foreign office grant them all asylum.
And everyone lives happily ever after!
- 09 May 2012 11:38
- 16597 of 65411
I have always thought that the EU got things back to front. They now want more political union to sort out the finances and fiscal union. That should have come first if that was their long term aim. Without political union it is not possible to impose the necessary fiscal restraints on the members. Several members of the EU would now not pass the convergence cirieria that were required to joing the Euro. Italy and Greece faked their figures when they entered. Spain and Portugal were borderline. There is now a substantial movement in Italy also to leave the Euro and scrap austerity measures. Germany is the only country to benefit substantially from the Euro.
- 09 May 2012 11:41
- 16598 of 65411
We stopped Hitler are we going to let Eu beat us?
- 09 May 2012 11:53
- 16599 of 65411
What's the nonsense belief that because a nation or several might leave the euro that austerity mesures are going to stop ?, they are in place to prevent a country sliding further into complete chaos,.....it's not much fun but when you have a situation like where most of the greeks have been paying precious little taxes and most of them seem to be bureaucrats with hardly any industry and big demands for the same lifesyle as France and Germany or Holland : this is what you end up with.....none of the med countries should have been allowed to join the euro in the first place.....perhaps Britain along with Sweden, Denmark and possibly Norway could introduce a northern rival to the euro !....(I doubt it would happen though)...just a thought...if some exit the euro : austerity will remain....
- 09 May 2012 11:54
- 16600 of 65411
- 09 May 2012 12:06
- 16601 of 65411
Lets wheel this one out again -
Read Aloud For Best Effect!!!
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like fotograf" 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
- 09 May 2012 12:08
- 16602 of 65411
The fact remains also that politicians do not like bringing bad news as people have short memories and won't vote for them : look at Britain : labour muck it up, get thrown out,...new lot come along...try and sort out the mess.....people don't like the potion as if you offer them fifty quid in their pocket and a quickfix that's what they'll go for rather than a longterm solution with many benefits down the road but it takes a few years...
- 09 May 2012 12:14
- 16603 of 65411
- 09 May 2012 12:33
- 16604 of 65411
Fully agree that austerity measures are required and that is the only way to get out of the huge amount of debt we and most of the world are in.
We can't spend our way out, but there are very simple things we can do.
For a start the government should start acting instead of being all talk.
1 Cut business red tape (they haven't even started yet, according to business groups).
2 Stop all immigration unless that immigrant can prove he/she can contribute to more than he/she would take out.
3 Rule ourselves (put ourselves first), instead of allowing the EU to rule us (putting themselves first).
4 Withdraw from the Human right Act (whats human about letting the scum of the earth stay in our country to the detriment of us all) and have a British Constitution.
5 Consider any minority group, but only change things if it benefits that minority but not at the detriment to the majority.
There must be many more things that are 'no brainers' and that can save billions of pounds.
- 09 May 2012 12:54
- 16605 of 65411
Problem is todays politicians are too scared to implement right wing stratergys but let us go on and on in the -hit.
Dont know what the answer is.
Perhaphs a third world war!. (hope not)
- 09 May 2012 13:01
- 16606 of 65411
I agree with you Greekman, although that's similar to the views of the left wing in Greece.
- 09 May 2012 13:11
- 16607 of 65411
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Strewth, talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says: "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Sod that"
says Mick: "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. they said they regretted to
inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid....... then I was petrified.
A wife says to her husband: "You’re always pushing me around and
talking behind my back".
He says: "What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair".
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering
years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".
She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied: "It's me talking to the beer".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing
but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw
20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out.
I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis
tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for
I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his
face light up when he opened it
A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him
over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present.
I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my
house. I think he's lost his rag.
I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with
2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered
again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I
thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for
the channel said.....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not
understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! B*ll*cks to this, I
thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy..
I start a new job in Seoul next week... I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
Conjunctivitis.com There’s a site for sore eyes.
- 09 May 2012 13:14
- 16608 of 65411
- 09 May 2012 13:15
- 16609 of 65411
- 09 May 2012 13:16
- 16610 of 65411
I think some are - my favourite of his was something along the lines of :- "Crime in multi-storey car parks, now that's wrong on so many levels".
- 09 May 2012 13:20
- 16611 of 65411